Anyone know what I'm talking about?

I was fully aware and fully warned that going from 1 child to 2 children would be a major adjustment. "Major adjustment" is a nice way of saying "temporary insanity"!!!!! I wish I could tell you that I'm the super easy going, patient type who was born to be a mom. Nope, I'm the type A, somewhat OCD, worrying type that wonders how in the world I will survive this parenting adventure. I'm learning to keep it together between fussy nights with a newborn and a toddler who can't decide if he loves me or is mad at me. The good news is I'm getting more sleep this time around, my daughter is already smiling at me and my son has learned how to pour me a glass of water.

Anyway, I have so much to say, many photos to post and much blog stalking to do. It's just going to have to wait until I figure out how to brush my teeth before 3pm.

Thinking about Gabrielle's Birthday...

May 23, 2008. That is the date of my sweet Gabrielle's birthday. Perhaps it's not the date she chose to arrive on, but it was the date we decided she would make her appearance. I agonized over the decision of getting induced. I know so many woman do it, but there is something about letting our bodies do what God designed them to do. I trust in that design and had the blessing of a natural child birth with my Samuel. However, the big belly got the best of me at 14 days past my due date and we needed to get on with life.

I had some rare complications after my birth with Samuel. A minor hemorrhage and a surgery 5 days later that took almost 7 months to fully heal. It was rough on top of the bed-rest for half my pregnancy. (If you know me, I am a busy bee - can't sit still kind of person.) Samuel, unlike his sister was eager to come out so we worked on keeping him in. And he did - what a good boy!

Needless to say, it all seemed to me that God was solidifying my heart's desire to adopt children in the future. The desire to adopt was planted in my heart after working with missionary friends of mine in Romania for several summers. It is my heart's cry to care for the orphan and widow!

Tim and I researched international adoption for about six months when we felt the nudge to expand our family. It was an amazing experience that further reinforced my call to care for the orphaned and abandoned children in our world. I learned of several wonderful organizations that not only do adoptions but also have amazing relief efforts under way (Check out All God's Children and the story of how they got started). I spent hours learning about the plight of many of the world's children and spent many more hours crying and interceding on their behalf. God however did not open any doors for us to adopt during this current season of life. We still had the nudge to expand our family and there was only one other way to do it. Yep. We got pregnant. Something I never thought I would do a second time, but once I saw those 2 pink lines on the stick I was jumping for joy!!! I do beleive that there will be a season of life for me where I will fulfill my call to the orphan whether it be through adoption or relief work and I can't wait to share that experience with Tim, Samuel and Gabrielle.

Anyway, that brings us back to May 23rd. I had the option of going on a pitocin drip or having my midwife break my water. I was so far dilated and effaced, she figured that either way should be a quick induction. We started a pitocin drip around 12:30 pm and sat around of birthing suite playing computer games to pass the time. Tim and I were laughing and were quite giddy with expectation. After 3 hours with some inconsistent and painless contractions, we decided to walk the halls. I was able to use a portable fetal monitor so I wasn't bound to the bed like many induced women are. Courtney arrived and started the photo shoot!



After about 4 hours of pitocin, the contractions hit hard and fast. Bradley Child Birth training paid off big time! I went through active labor in 2 1/4 hours, transition labor for about 15 minutes and pushed for 1/2 hour. My sweet girl made her arrival at 7:32pm and we managed to do it without any pain medication!!! She was as lovely as could be at 9lbs, 6 oz and 21 1/4 inches with her platinum blond hair. Oh, that joy ... you know, the one that replaces the pain with equal intensity! It flooded my heart to overflowing. Another precious miracle has been given to me from above!



The rest of he story is unfortunate. I began to have a very serious hemorrhage after delivering the placenta. They opened the pitocin drip, gave me a shot of something and another suppository of some sort. Nothing was working! For those of you that have experienced child birth, you know all about the "pushing on the abdomen" routine you are subjected to in order to clamp down the uterus. Well, they had to do that every 15 minutes. The nurse must have been the incredible hulk's wife in disguise because she really knew how to push!

They also had to do other horrific things to me internally which I will spare you the details since this is posted on the internet. After several hours of this routine, I decided to take some drugs to help me cope with the pain. I was losing the fight in me quickly. My blood pressure crashed several times - very scary! Thank God for smelling salts and IV fluids!

I have to tell you that Tim was truly amazing. He never left my side and he was my constant source of peace in the moment. Even when I could not open my eyes, I could hear his soft voice praying or talking to me. My mother-in-law had Gabrielle in her arms. I cannot thank her enough for being there and enduring into the wee hours of the night.

After 4 hours of bleeding and various medical opinions, it was decided that exploratory surgery would be our best option. I remember thinking at this point - I'm either going to die, or they are going to knock me out and it would be OK if either happened, I just need the pain, the prodding, the bleeding to stop.

The Doctor on call happened to be the same doctor that did my surgery after Samuel. I just love her and it was a blessing to see her face. When they finally wheeled me into the OR, I felt a huge sense of relief and even found a bit of my sense of humor as I asked the doctor if she wouldn't mind performing a vasectomy on my husband when she was done. There was chuckles throughout the room and then the next thing I knew I was waking up. The bleeding had stopped and so did all the hustle and bustle around me. It was a peaceful moment. They wound up giving me 2 units of blood since my hematocrit was dangerously low and I was finally allowed to rest. The reason for the bleeding: a piece of the placenta tore off and was still attached to the uterus. As Samuel would say, "Silly Placenta!"

While I was recovering, Tim, my mother-in-law, and Gabrielle were moved into a new room. Tim had to go back to the birthing suite to make sure we had all our belongings. He told me that when he got there, the cleaning lady was just about to go in. Poor cleaning lady! The room was now eerily empty and quiet. Blood was everywhere. Tim said it was a difficult moment for him knowing that it was my blood, but God's peace permeated the moment. He said that a divine word was planted in his heart - the blood I had lost would be redeemed. And so he left that birthing suite - the one where both of beautiful children were born - and he came to my side to comfort me.



I returned to my room about 5:30am - 10 hours after my daughter was born. And so started the beginning of healing and parenting 2 children. I have been healing quickly and am so thankful to the amazing people who helped me through - Jennifer, the nurse during the birth, was incredible. She watched me closely and even stayed late to go with me into surgery! Helen, my maternity nurse, was so kind and gentle. She helped me get on my feet again. Pam, the mid-wife who delivered Gabrielle, was so even natured and calm through the whole ordeal. I always felt like I was in good hands. Courtney, a true friend! She photographed the birth for us. Esther, who watched Lila for Courtney and had to listen to the whole thing from the hallway. Eileen, who cares for my family as if we were her own; and both my mother and mother-in-law for giving of themselves so completely in the weeks following.

So, I grapple with the "why" this all had to happen. Even as firm in my faith as I think I am, I still wrestle with God from time to time. I am trying to remain thankful for a healthy pregnancy and baby. Also, for the medical care we have here in the US - many women across the globe die during childbirth because of severe hemorrhaging. Yet I still struggle with why both of my birthing experiences had so many rare complications. I wonder if God has sealed the deal in my heart. The heart that longs to help lost and abandoned children. I wonder if he is showing me what it means to endure in faith and in trust when things just don't make sense. See, the one thing I know is that we cannot escape the trials of a fallen world, but we can overcome because Jesus did. The other thing I know is that our faith does not rest in what God does but in who God is. We must have a faith that finds itself secure within his complete sovereignty and his unfailing love. Without those two things the world will toss us about like the waves of the sea. I don't know about you, but I'd rather be on the ROCK!

I'm alive!!!

Hello all and thank you for all your wonderful comments. They made me cry! Well, we are alive and barely functioning in our household. So. this will be a short post - I'll fill you in on all the details soon.

Gabrielle is lovely in every way. Her blond hair gets me every time I look at her. Samuel has had his ups and downs but is slowly adjusting. I am on the mend. A bit weak from losing so much blood, but definitely feeling better. Here are a few photos to hold you over...

She sleeps so peacefully!

Bright eyed and content in her comfy bouncer!

Samuel was sharing his puzzle with his baby sister!

Samuel sporting his new "big Brother" tee-shirt!

She's Here!

Hi, guest blogger Courtney here...

Gabrielle Grace was born at 7:32pm on May 23.

Baby's stats:
~ 9 pounds 6 ounces, 21 inches
~ gorgeous!!!!
~ blond hair! (pretty sure that came from Tim's side of the family)

Baby is doing great. She was able to nurse soon after birth - has a wonderful strong voice, she was cooing and gurgling as Mommy and Daddy cuddled her.

Mom had quite the rough time of it. Once the pitocin really got going labor came on STRONG and fast. Michelle is amazing - way stronger than she thinks she is. And Tim - he did a fantastic job supporting his wife - I love watching the two of them together.

Afterward Michelle had quite a bit of bleeding - no, she had a lot of bleeding - to the extent that she eventually had to have surgery and a blood transfusion. She's tired, weak, but getting better.

Keep Michelle, Tim and kids in your prayers as she recovers...

btw - did I tell you that Gabrielle is GORGEOUS???

Finally!

Well I'm writing from my hospital room. We finally got admitted this morning and will be induced very shortly. I appreciate you prayers as this is so different than going into labor on your own. I am a bit nervous and also excited to meet our baby girl. Will keep you posted! Blessings to all of you and thanks for all your encouragement!!!

Oh and we happen to be in the same room that we had Samuel in!!!

It's gotta be soon.

So, my prayer was that I didn't have to make any hard decisions about induction, right??? Well, I made a plan and figured I'd put it in God's hands. We were supposed to go in for an induction this morning but no beds. So, they you keep calling back every 3 hours to see if a bed is open. Not today!!! So, here I am pregnant still and will repeat the process tomorrow. I am hoping that the desires of my heart will be answered and I'll go into labor over the next day without any medical assistance. I am trying to find the humor in the whole thing. Maybe she will truly have her daddy's temperament. (This can be a very good thing when we hit the teenage years) He came 3 weeks late with a castor oil induction and to this day is never in a rush to do anything or go anywhere.

No birthday present yet...Big decisions

Well she decided that it would be no fun to share her birthday with her mother. Can you blame her??? Contractions petered out and the day has gone on. I am still having much stronger contractions but they just don't pattern. I still can't believe this little girl has stayed in so long.

I had an appointment with my midwife today and we've decided to set an induction date for this Thursday. I've already tried some natural induction methods which obviously have not worked. So, I am accepting that this might be the plan. Baby's got 48 hours to decide. I basically chose Thursday based on the midwife that is on call that day. I really like her approach to things and felt a lot of peace while chatting with her. Hopefully there will be a room available for me Thursday morning. If not, then I will have to wait until there is room for me, which could be Friday or even later. Friday I will be 14 days over my due date.

I really have struggled with the entire induction situation since I truly desire a natural, unmedicated birth. Honestly, the more time goes by, the harder this pregnancy becomes on the whole family, our finances and other such things. Plus, things get a little sketchy for a baby that goes over 42 weeks gestation. So I am accepting that induction might be in the cards and I actually feel better that we have a plan. I feel God's peace over the whole thing.

So now I am praying that baby will come on her own in the next day and a half and my body will do naturally what it has done once before. If induction becomes the last resort, then I will need wisdom on the approach. My cervix is very ripe and ready to go, so they don't think it will take much. Baby was at 0 station today so she is low but she has been a dipper. Dipping down into my pelvis and then coming back up. This is typically of second pregnancies. If she stays down in my pelvis, they can just break my water and chances are labor will ensue quickly. She would have to be down in my pelvis in order to not take the risk of a prolapsed cord. My midwife feels things would move along rather fast and I would not have to be on a constant fetal monitor. However, there is something to be said about keeping that bag of waters intact - protects the baby from stress, infection and helps the baby get into position. The other option is to start a Pitocin drip. My midwife said she thinks it would just take a little pitocin and my body would kick in on it's own and then they could back it down. They have a portable fetal monitor so I could still have mobility and go into a bath tub. It is rare that women are able to endure contractions with Pitocin so epidurals are the norm. However, my midwife thinks I would need so little pitocin that I could possibly still have an unmedicated birth this way. This is a tough decision for me and I'm hoping I don't have to make it myself. Any thoughts???